Intentional Self Harm
Self harm is when you deliberately hurt yourself as a way of trying to deal with difficult feelings or situations and experiences you find overwhelming.
After the self harm you might feel better temporarily but whatever caused your distress is unlikely to have gone away - maybe the self harm has made you feel worse.
Self harm does come with risks and once you start using it regularly as a way of coping it can become really hard to stop.
During difficult times when the urge is there to self harm, it can be difficult to imagine that there are things you can instead, but there are.
There are things you can start practicing, which can, over time, help you to manage difficulties in a different way, without harming yourself.
Understand your patterns of self harm
Start to be aware of when and why you feel the urge to self harm as this will make you more aware of triggers and start to recognise when the urge is coming.
Even if you don’t manage to stop yourself (remember its a difficult thing you are trying to do, you won’t always manage to avoid it) its still helpful to stop and reflect on the triggers.
Learn to recognise your triggers
Triggers are the things that give you the urge to self harm and its helpful to become more aware of them.
It might be a situation, a person, the way someone makes you feel, a memory.
Write down what was happening at the time, as this will help you prepare for and manage these.
Become more aware of what the urge feels like
What happens in your body, how do you know that the urge to self harm is starting?
Does your heart race, does your mood change, do you start to have intrusive thoughts about self harming?
If you can start to do this, you can begin recognising it early and put another strategy in place before the urge is overwhelming.
Distract yourself
You might need to try lots of different distractions to find out what works and you might find that different distractions work at different times depending on the situation and how strong the urge is.
Distraction can be as simple as listening to music or reading a book, it might be watching tv, having a bath, going out for a walk, going round to see your friends, doing a puzzle or word search - anything that focuses your mind on something else, can really help you reduce the urge to self harm.
These are only suggestions, a starting point for you to think about.
If you are feeling angry :
Punching a pillow
Tearing something up (not something you’ll regret though)
Going for a run
Shouting
Dancing
If you are feeling sad or frightened:
Talk to someone
Wrap yourself in a blanket and listen to music
Go for a walk somewhere peaceful
Cry or have a sleep
Spend time with your pet if you have one (animals are soothing)
If things feel out of your control:
Write lists
Write a letter detailing all your frustrations but don’t send it, tear it up
Declutter (getting things in order can really help)
Lie somewhere comfortable and work throught the muscles in your body, clenching them as tightly as you can and then letting them relax
Feelings of self hatred and the urge to punish yourself:
Exercise: run, go to the gym
Write it down, draw it, write a song or poem about how you feel
Write a letter to yourself detailing all the things you that make you hate yourself, then write back to yourself as a friend would with kindness and lots of compassion
If you are feeling numb and disconnected:
Wear an elastic band on your wrist and flick it
Hold ice cubes or have a really cold shower
Try smelling something really strong
5-4-3-2-1 Be aware of where you are now using the senses: 5 things you can see, 4 you can hear, 3 you can touch, 2 you can smell, 1 you can taste or imaging tasting (your favourite food)
Delaying
You can also try delaying the self harm.
Tell yourself you are going to wait, even for 10 minutes to begin, this might just allow time for the urge to reduce and in that time you might distract too or if that feels too difficult just wait.
What can I do next?
Have you looked at the relevant information and advice on our webpage?
Have you tried the self-help options?
Have you accessed support from the suggested apps, websites and organisations listed on our resources page?
Have you discussed your concerns with an adult you trust and had some support from someone like a school nurse or your GP?
If you have and nothing you have tried has made a significant difference, it might be time to speak to someone about involving CAMHS.